three rings for the elven kings in the sky | seven for dwarf-lord in their halls of stone | nine for mortal men doomed to die
'Legolas Greenleaf Woke Up Gay'
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Rating: PG-13 Part: (1/1) Series Number: (4) |
On another beautiful day, Legolas Greenleaf woke up gay.
Right away, he was aware that something was, well, Different about him.
He was perky. Yes, perky.
Legolas sat up and saw Frodo and Merry (who was quite merry by this time) prancing around their camp. He had a sudden urge to prance with them. He finally gave into that urge, and began prancing around with them, receiving many strange looks.
Legolas didn't care. Legolas just wanted to prance!
For a while, everything was okay. Legolas skipped along, singing songs with Frodo and Merry. (Pippin was overwhelmed by all of Frodo and Merry's chipperness, and did not join in the singing. For he was not gay. Yet.)
Around noon, when they stopped for lunch, Legolas sensed something was wrong. All morning, these, well, Things had been crossing his mind. Dirty Things, concerning the hobbits. And occasionally, Gimli and even Gandalf! Yes, Gandalf! Ooh! Beard.
Legolas thought that whatever had happened to Frodo and Merry had happened to him as well. (Note prancing.)
Legolas didn't like the Things crossing his mind, especially about Gandalf. [insert synonym for 'gross' here].
But Legolas was a smart elf. He had noticed Frodo and Merry's sudden desire to travel together. And Legolas wondered.
Not for long, though. Using all of his elf-smarts, he concluded that they had, in fact, woken up gay somehow.
He hadn't noticed any changes in anyone else, though. They were all still crabby and tired. (Except, of course, Frodo and Merry. And now him.) Sam was still amusingly protective of Frodo, and Pippin was no more foolish than usual.
Legolas now started wishing for someone else to wake up gay. (Preferably a hobbit. Or Gimli. Or even Gandalf, dammit!)
As Legolas drifted to sleep that night, another Thing crossed his mind.
'Aragorn. mmm.'
"What did you say, Legolas?" asked Boromir, who was close to Legolas.
'Oops. Didn't mean to say that out loud,' Legolas thought.
"Nothing, Boromir."
Boromir just eyed the elf curiously. Something was most certainly amiss.
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